A letter to our man in Washington…

Dear Vern,

How’s it going up there in our nation’s capitol? Lots of cool things to see and do, huh? But still, I know it must feel kind of crummy to be up there trying to settle in when things are in such a state of limbo down here in Florida. Surely you can’t be happy with the way things are dragging out?

(Believe me, Vern, I can sympathize. I went out on a date with this great guy in early December and he still hasn’t called to see me again … Do you think my answering machine is on the fritz? Those damn machines, they can lose messages as easily as they can lose votes, can’t they? So I’m just kind of in your shoes, you know, hanging around, waiting by the phone.)

I just want to say, I “get” what you’re going through. (I just hope the reason for my date’s non-call isn’t for the same reason as all those non-votes you supposedly got from your own party members…. Ouch, that must have really hurt.)

But wait, this is about you, not me.

Yeah, you’re mos def in a congressional conundrum of the lose-lose kind. At the moment, you’re our man in Washington, but unless something changes, you’ll forever be the guy who probably won… kind of…. maybe. Give or take 18,000 votes.

You’ll always have that vague doubt gnawing away at the word “victory.” (And, dontcha know, I’ve got my own worries too… like, did I have spinach in my teeth or something?!)

So here’s the thing, Vern — it’s not a question of did you win or didn’t you. It’s a question of whether every person who wanted to vote was provided adequate means to do so. Lots of people think they weren’t.

Do you want that on your record? Do you really want a “win” that was, through no fault of your own, I’m sure, so sloppily won?

Wouldn’t you rather be the man with cajones big enough to call for a revote?

Just think, if you demand a revote, you’ll get major props for doing the right thing. And it’s the classy move. District 13 voters will know for sure you believe in their rights and will unequivocally defend those rights. And an entire country will take notice of the seated junior congressman from Florida.

You’ll get the wonks wonking and the tongues tripping all across the country.

You’ll make our little sunshine state look positively sunny, too. Finally, Florida will be on the map for class instead of crass.

Will you lose in a revote? Probably not. If you won once, it stands to reason you’d win again. But whether you win or lose in a revote, you’d forever be the man who was gracious enough and big enough to make sure the election was conducted fairly and squarely.

Vern, I saw in last week’s Sarasota Herald-Trib, that you were quoted as saying “I’m representing the people. It’s not about my agenda or what I’m getting out of it.”

Okay, so prove it.

Ask for a revote on behalf of so many of your constituents who believe their votes went missing. Ask for a revote on behalf of your opponent who so clearly believes the voting process was flawed beyond an acceptable level. Ask for a revote so you can win or lose without any doubt, fairly, and with honor.

And if you win, you can do something about those voting machines, right? So that next time, there’s not this big snarled mess? (And while you’re fixing things, can you pass a law requiring men to call when they say they will?)

Ask for a revote so that you can prove your words to the people of the 13th district; show them that you really do intend to insure that they are represented without regard to your own personal agenda, or Jennings’.

Do that, Vern, and you’ll go from ordinary to extraordinary. And so will the district you represent.

All best,

Reality Chick

P.S. I made up the story about the date – there’s really no great guy, no unmade call. But hey, the important thing is we bonded over our respective constituencies, whether real or imagined, and besides … it’s not about you or me … it’s about them, right Vern?