Sheesh. Last night after I posted my “woe is me, I don’t got no fun” blog, I realized what a whiner I’ve turned into about this whole “365 days of fun” thing I got myself into for my New Year’s Resolution.

So, I’m going to quit whining about how I’ve frickin’ lost my mojo, or juju, or ya-ya, or whatever the hell it is and JUST DO IT.

I’m not going to write again — about fun, at least — until I’ve actually had some. But, contrary to some urgings from some readers — I’m NOT going to change my goal of what type of fun I’m hankering for. I keep getting advice both online and in person from people who say “just enjoy every day”, “appreciate the little things” — yada, yada, yada. So, just let me explain: I have a LOT of that kind of fun. I’m a person who truly enjoys just watching birds chowing down at the feeder, and gets a kick out of standing on the beach watching the ocean waves on a windy day. I did a project in my mom’s yard last week involving clearing out weeds, putting down fabric, then putting down a gravel bed — and that was a lot of fun, actually. Good, clean (well, actually kind of dirty) fun.

I don’t have a problem at all having EVERYDAY fun — but I’m very much missing BIG fun in my life. It seems like ever since my divorce (heck, maybe ever since my wedding day), I just haven’t had a lot of BIG fun — and my life used to be about a lot of BIG GOOFY TRUTH OR DARE kind of fun like — balancing my butt on the big steel link ropes that surround the Arc de Triomphe on the Champs Elysees while wearing a crazy-short black dress and ridiculously high heels; or clambering up a statue of a lion at which bridge I can’t quite recall along the Seine and trying to get a photo of myself on the lion’s back; romantic walks around Harvard Square; fascinating talks — for hours — over coffee in Cafe Pamplona in Cambridge; dancing till drenched in sweat at Wally’s in Roxbury; skiing (well, falling, mostly) on the mountains of New Hampshire; going to parties where people dressed up and acted out and wouldn’t be caught dead striking a pose for the paparazzi of the local pubs; hiking the back of Squaw Peak mountain in Phoenix in 100+ temperatures; kicking back at 4 p.m., on a Friday afternoon and tossing back cheap beer with coworkers and talking about everything and nothing at the same time — with people who actually had the time to just sit and drink and talk, and most importantly, people who were funny and knew how to really laugh.

So, you see — I’ve had years of having fun in the little ways — still very important — of every day. But I want to recapture a bit of the hilarity and blow-out fun I had in the years before my life took the very disappointing turn of a marriage that went south almost from day one and a divorce that whipped my butt emotionally, followed by years of trying to get myself back on track financially and professionally.

When I say I want fun — it doesn’t mean I’m not pretty damn happy every day — it just means that I want a bunch of fun days and nights — I want to get my pre-marriage, post-divorce MC MOJO back.

But, because I’m probably boring all of my readers as much as I am myself, at least I’ll quit whining for you all!

I’ll JUST DO IT. And report back here as the fun plays out.

Thanks for all the encouraging notes … I’ll keep you posted!