R U there? I ♥ U! G2G! TTYL!

Somebody, please …GMAB! (Give me a break!)

With all the smaller, faster technologies available now, people seem obsessed with saying not very much at all, but saying it at lightening speed.

Acronym-addicts, that’s what I call them, and for a while I just overlooked their hen-scratching, but recently my best friend bought some new master-of-the-universe type gadget –an iPhone (whatever the heck that is). Almost immediately his written communication (forgive me, darling) devolved into some messy mix of letters and numbers that reminded me of my fourth-grade penchant for ending all hand-passed notes with a giant drawing of a heart and the letters SWAK (sealed with a kiss) plastered across the page.

I love my friend massively, but where’s the fire that requires “u” instead of “you?”

Fortunately, my friend hasn’t used the most annoying text shortcut in the world: “LOL.” LOL is an acronym for “laughing out loud” – as in, the writer is literally laughing out loud at his or her own hilarity. Hey, if it’s really that funny, call me up or come over and let me hear that donkey bray you call a laugh in person. I’m happy to join in with my own inimitable hog-snort snickering – but only if it’s really “laugh out loud” funny.

I know this column sounds snarky, and yes, I admit, I’m something of a word snob – but only inasmuch as I want to protect and preserve what little remaining ability we have as humans to communicate intelligently, articulately, and with real meaning.

Text-messaging, IMing, emailing – they facilitate business and allow us to keep in touch with friends and families in a cheap, easy fashion. But I’m afraid we’re in danger of grasping onto technology and hyper-abbreviated words as just another frenetic way to let us believe we’re really working hard at forming and keeping “real” relationships, when in fact, e-communication is a very superficial – and limiting — medium.

While we’re massively focused on the latest “it” electronics, compulsively checking messages, clicking endless keys and mice, forwarding articles instead of writing out our own ideas, sending jokes and photos and videos in place of any meaningful exchange, our in-person, face-to-face, head-to-heart skills are rapidly deteriorating.

My friends don’t call me cavewoman just because on a bad day I look like those guys from the Geico TV ads — they’ve had to drag me kicking and screaming into the 21st century. I know I’m a throwback, but I’m holding onto words – in all their spelled-out glory – like some wild-eyed, ice-age, saber-toothed tiger who doesn’t want to let go of the meat that keeps her alive.

Who wants to read “I luv u,” instead of “I love you”?

If words lose their “meat,” then writers will lose their “bite” … I can’t let that happen!

And besides, I’m just a little worried that if this tiny tech talk trend continues, I’ll lose my aforementioned BFF (best friend forever) to some TSB (tech-savvy babe) who really knows how to KISS (keep it short & sweet)!