With apologies to Don McLean (for abusing his fabulous, near-perfection lyrics to Everybody Loves Me Baby from American Pie collection).

Fortune had me well in hand, armies waited at my command
My gold was in a foreign land buried deep beneath the sand
The angels guided my ev’ry prayer, my enemies I wanted sick or dead
But the so-called victories I led, only left America in the red.

CHORUS (Cheney et al sing-along):
You see, everybody loves me, baby, what’s the matter with you?
Won’tcha tell me what did I do to offend you?

Now the purest race I want to see to live in my democracy
And the highest human pedigree, well, think again, that’s just not me
My face on ev’ry coin should be engraved, all activists should be enslaved
My own flag should be forever waved by the grateful people I have saved

CHORUS (again, with Cheney chiming in):
You see, everybody loves me, baby, what’s the matter with you?
Won’tcha tell me what did I do to offend you?

Now, no country is beyond my claim when the oil is seized in the U.S. name
From evil men who rob and maim, if war is hell, heck, I’m not to blame!
Why, you can’t blame me, I’m Heaven’s child, I’m the second son of Mary mild
And I’m twice removed from Oscar Wilde, but he didn’t mind, why, he just smiled

Yes, and the ocean parts when I walk through, and the clouds dissolve and the sky turns blue
I’m held in very great value by my good pal Dick, who cares if not by the rest of you?
’cause I’ve used my talents as I could, I’ve done some bad, I’ve done some good
I did a whole lot better than Daddie thought I would so, c’mon and treat me like you should!

Because everybody loves me, baby, what’s the matter with you?
Won’tcha tell me what did I do to offend you?

Read the real lyrics to McLean’s masterpiece, Everybody Loves Me, Baby