Okay, um, not so much. Fun, that is. Well, fun that you could write about and say wow, look how much fun I had. I worked pretty much all day on organizing, cleaning, trying to set things up in my house for a more productive year ahead. My goal was/is to start Monday, a scant two days away, with as clean a slate as possible.

But, at the same time as I was pretty diligently working, in the back of my mind, my Fun Ambitions for New Year, or "FANY" for short, was hammering away: "What are you going to do that's FUN today?" "When are you going to stop working and have that fun you wrote about?" "Hello!@!??"

In the end, as I climbed into bed, I did feel the day had been fun -- I'd laughed a lot, I felt positive, I'd accomplished so much, I felt really good. But did I have fun?

Well, not the kind of fun I'm envisioning, but I did have a bit of fun; I watched a goofy movie with Ashton and Cameron -- lame premise, even lamer acting, but you know what? It was light and I did laugh a bit. Not something I'd normally watch, but I'm trying to lighten myself up ... even if I stop short of going blonde.

And, honestly, the pseudo-comedy at least didn't make me feel cynical the way the last movie I watched in 2009 did -- Revolutionary Road.

I have mixed feelings about yesterday's fun factor. I thought it was actually a fun day -- my cats amused me, I felt the cold air on my skin when I went outside. But honestly, I think the past five years, in particular the last two years, of nonstop, long hours spent trying to launch a new business and make inroads as a writer and keep a roof over the head of my cats and me, have left me with a slightly distorted and diminished perception of what constitutes fun.

I'm looking for the kind of fun that exhilarates, that emboldens, that leaves your spirit somehow different than it was five minutes earlier. I've had that kind of fun in my life, even though it's been a long time, and I want it back.

The only bad thing about yesterday was that I really couldn't think of what would be fun -- I think I've lost sight and feel for what fun is. I found myself thinking, well, reading a magazine from start to finish would be fun. Or going on a walk. Or watching the birds outside. And, yes, all that is fun ... to a certain extent.

But I want to spend 2010 rewriting my definition of fun. I want a year that blows my socks off with laughter and thrills and surprise.

Wish me luck!