Finley Peter Dunne is the one who gets the attribution for the phrase “Trust everyone, but cut the cards.” But it’s an axiom I’ve adopted for myself for a long time now. I’ve just always added the “yourself” part to further clarify that the only trust that matters is the trust you have in yourself.
Ergo, have friends, be happy, fall in love, take that job … but don’t let anybody else cut the cards you’ll be playing with. Or else — in all likelihood, and all evidence supports — you’ll be short a few cards when you need them most.
People play to win. They protect themselves at all costs to get what they want when they want it. I’m not saying that’s necessarily a bad thing — as long as they’re honest about their pursuits and interests — but am most definitely saying understanding that truth should change the way we think and talk and act about trust and love and faith, in our families, our lovers, our friends, our elected officials.
And, in light of all the crap that passes for human interaction these days — name calling at the highest levels of government, people like Glenn Beck being given a platform — and the idiocy of the unthinking yokels who actually give him the time of day, Tiger Woods, JNadel, Madoff, even our own local Kathy Dent who couldn’t be bothered to audit properly, and yes, maybe even our own president and his minions who while they may have accomplished a great thing with health care reform, their behind-the-scenes turning of the screws didn’t exactly leave those of us who care about ends and their means with a happy afterglow — I’m fairly certain, in fact, I’m precisely certain, that while I may keep my cards on the table, while I may stay in the game … nobody’s every going to be cutting or dealing the cards of my life but me.
When Sandra Bullock stood up and gave her Academy award acceptance speech and ended it by giving props to her husband Jesse for “having my back” — sheesh, I almost faltered for a second. I almost thought, hey, maybe it is possible to find someone who will have your back unequivocally and in a stand-up, rock-solid way. She didn’t say he was her savior, or the love of her life or any bullshit like that. She just said he had her back. That simple. And that important. To know that come hell or high water, the person you sleep with is going to be careful and protective with your heart and your life, even if it costs them something in the process.
Well, by all appearances, looks like Sandra was wrong. He didn’t have her back at all … in fact, he was busy getting in back with another woman, possibly more than one. I have no problem with the guy if he wants to get laid elsewhere — but be a man and tell your wife first, so she can have the opportunity to protect herself and/or get out. Or at the very least, have the cajones to tell her what’s happened within hours of it happening. Don’t wait until she’s reached the pinnacle of professional success to let her learn about your dirty deeds done dirt cheap.
The thing about having someone’s back is that it’s not about love and promises and weddings and pre-nups. It’s about 100%, 24/7/365 — never, ever — screwing that person over. You don’t have to love them eternally. You don’t have to fake orgasms. You don’t have to lie to get them to do something you want them to do, or cover up something you want to do but think they won’t approve of.
You just have to be honest. Every time. Ahead of time. Behind time. All the time.
John W. Perkins
March 24, 2010 at 12:18 pm“people like Glenn Beck being given a platform”
I like him. He makes some very valid points about our arrogant and incompetent elected officials.
“and the idiocy of the unthinking yokels who actually give him the time of day,”
That would be me, I suppose.
“The thing about having someone’s back is that it’s not about love and promises and weddings and pre-nups. It’s about 100%, 24/7/365 — never, ever — screwing that person over.”
That would be me, again.. I have always willingly and without reservation given myself to those that ask for my trust. It has cost me emotionaly and financialy to a devastating degree at times. But, I still do it, and feel no rancor to those that have hosed me over intentionaly, or accidentaly. I still have not developed that invisible protection of emotional armor.
I’m just stupid, I guess.
I stil view people, places, and life as a complete wonder to behold.
Oh, and the answer is, 42
Negative Nate
March 24, 2010 at 12:34 pmMC,
I want to be honest with you
I’m sorry if I haven’t told you before but now you have given me the strength and opportunity
to get it off my chest.
MC, I also read and write on anothers blog
I’m so sorry I didn’t say so before
I know you preach about loyalty but it was only once
then twice
now I think I got a problem
I like both blog sites
I know I let u down
but at least I’m telling u now
hope u will still respect my comments
and occasionally respond
sincerely
Nate
MC
March 24, 2010 at 12:53 pmi thought long and hard before making that comment about glenn beck and the people who listen to him. because i know people — and like them — who do. (listen to beck, that is). and i agree that the guy may make valid points — but his hyperbole, outlandish positing of supposed “facts” combined with his ridicule and scorn of others, combined with not a little bit of actual hate-mongering … i just can’t writing anything else than “the idiocy of the unthinking yokels” notice, however, that i didn’t call those folks “idiots” — just said that i don’t think they’re thinking deeply enough about beck and what his ascendancy and popularity fortells about our collective future.
JW — you’re not stupid! and i am sorry if my column stung.
Steve
March 24, 2010 at 6:44 pmThe mere fact that you are talking about Glen Beck MC makes him relevant.I think he does say some very relevant things but again it is how he is a master manipulator of the media like the so called genious Rush.These guys are no smarter than the avg.Joe but they sure know how to push buttons and say what others wish they would say.
I won’t waste my time talking about Hollywood and all the BS that goes with it.No shock about Jesse James as he has a rep.when he was married to a porn actress and is involved with a brutal custody fight.Sandra ..oh well they are all such smart business people but in life they are very stupid..
Trust hmmmm that’s for another day but go with your gut and you will be right most of the time..go with your heart and you are in big trouble..
Johnny boy you are a true champion of people and what you say does not surprise me at all.MC your column was right on and I understand where you are coming from for sure.