I’ve waxed rhapsodic about Helen Mirren before. I’ve gone on record as saying she’s kind of what I’d like to be like as I get older.

Photographs by Juergen Teller.

So, it was with pleasure that I heard she was going to be in New York magazine (a weekly pub that I subscribe to). I was a bit shocked, though, by seeing Dame Mirren in nearly the full Monty. (Well, okay, only half a Monty, but still).

Now, she’s a woman d’une age certain, for sure. And she’s still rocking boats and floating her breasts in a bath. And I’ve got to give her some cred for that.

But still, I didn’t quite care for the photos — it’s not the nudity, and it’s not the age of her body, that I’m not cool with, it’s just simply that I like to think that women have merit — especially a woman of Mirren’s stature — without pulling a boob shot. Mirren’s photo shoot suggests otherwise.

Now, she says, “I much prefer overt sexuality to sleazy, vulgar prurience.” And I completely get the difference. It’s a philosophy I ascribe to as well. And she’s obviously trying to promote her new film, and yes, she’s always been a boundary-pushing babe, but, and as much as I like Mirren, I have to say, I think showing your breasts — whether you’re a young Halle Barry or an aging Helen Mirren, is just plain unnecessary. And, as antiquated as this might make me sound, it does a disservice to everything that the woman is.

I’ve got breasts, and I happen to like them. I’m not NOT proud of them. I just don’t want them to be what drives the bus, if you know what I mean.

I know selling sexuality — and sexual viability — is at the core of women’s ability to market themselves in nearly every venue of today’s world — and that includes every relationship, most obviously with men, but even to a certain extent with women — in business and in life. But I’m not sure we have to buy into it. I’d like to think we don’t. And yes, I know how laughably naive that sounds.

Well, I still admire Mirren, but — and I would have said this if she was 38 instead of in her 60s — I think you can still be sexy and keep your clothes on. In fact, sexier.

That said, I’m going to create an all-nude (oh, tastefully done, of course) calendar to raise money for my writerly dreams. Here’s hoping they sell. To give you a sneak peak of the level of exposure … I present MC … The Sexy Series …

And in case you haven’t figured it out … Boomer’s the sexy one … and I’m the irritating paparazzi cuddled up close and blinding him with flash.