This piece originally appeared in print in June 2007. I think it was a wish list of my own really — wishing I’d had a Dad who not only stuck around, but taught me how to stick up for myself from an early age instead of having to learn it all firsthand at the school of hard knocks. Of course, who ever listens to their father!?.
In a confusing world that tells girls to get good grades and “save themselves” for marriage and then shows them they’re nothing without a Pussycat Doll body and a closet full of Jimmy Choos, it’s up to Dads to tell and teach their daughters what they need to know:
No, you can’t have plastic surgery or a webpage.
Yes, I do know what’s best for you. You will pass that test; you will find a boyfriend someday; you can absolutely do anything you set your mind and spirit to; you are beautiful. And, yes, I do love you and always will.
A Dad needs to emphatically impress upon his daughter that everything she hopes to be, have, or experience in her life – all her hopes and dreams – will be predicated on how well or not well she manages money from a young age.
He needs to explain that money is a means of independence and self-respect, and that without savings and the ability to support herself, she’ll feel pressured to stay in bad situations – everything from crummy apartments to dead-end jobs and dead-beat boyfriends. He should teach her how to work hard, save what she earns, and invest what she saves.
Every Dad should teach his daughter how to make simple repairs around the house, fire up a grill, change the oil in her car, start a lawn mower, and tell a decent guy from a deadbeat.
A father should tell his daughter about the two-strike rule: if someone makes you feel badly about yourself once –address the situation and give things a second chance. If that person makes you feel lousy a second time – drop them like a bad cell phone connection.
Three strikes make an out in baseball. But in real life, he should tell her, two strikes are enough to call foul.
Dads should tell their daughters that it’s never okay for someone to hurt you — verbally or physically.
Dads should explain that life is about choice: What you get in life, who you become, who you love and who loves you back, is 99% a result of the choices you make every day, beginning today. So, make the right ones as often as you can. And if you make a choice that turns out to be wrong, back up and start over.
A Dad should tell his daughter that despite his great advice he knows she’s going to make mistakes. And when she does, she can come to him.
Nothing, he should say, is too messy, too personal, or too horrible to make him stop loving her.