In my gazillion years on the dating frontlines, I’ve dated on both sides of the political fence and never have given it a whole lot of thought.
But now the stakes are too high. So high, in fact, that I’ve decided I must establish a thorough vetting process — a sophisticated questionnaire that will reveal whether or not a man’s background, experience, and intellect makes him a viable candidate for the position of Datable Dude.
If he gets past the first 25 questions which deal mostly with whether he’s working or not, whether or not he’s ever been arrested, and whether or not he can cook, we finally get down to brass tacks:
Did you vote for G.W. the first time around? (A yes won’t rule him out, but won’t rule him in, either. Every man I’ve dated who voted for GW the first time around has lied to me about something fairly major – um, little things you know, like seeing other women or why they really left their last job.)
Did you vote for G.W. the second time around? (The only acceptable answer here is no. I tried spending time with a guy once who had voted for GW the second time around and let’s just say I’ve talked with lizards in my front yard that were less boring.)
Are you voting for McCain for president? (I only ask this question when I have a Taser in my hand. There’s no telling how looney-tune one of those yea-sayers can get.)
And finally, was Sarah Palin a good choice for VP? (A yes here insures one bonus round question.)
Can you spell moron if I spot you the M, the R, and the N?
But if he’s on board with Palin, I already know the answer — especially if he drags out that radically lame argument – “She’s got as much experience as Barack Obama.”
Um, non-datable dude and the rest of the GOP! Try to fire a synapse or two. The Republicans just spent the last 18 months telling the world Obama didn’t have enough experience, and now the GOP is basically saying “Actually, we don’t think either of them has enough experience and suddenly, that’s a-okay with us!” (Subtext: it’s perfectly fine for a female to be inexperienced – that’s expected, but it wasn’t okay for a man.)
Now, in the interest of full disclosure I should say that I was once madly in love with a – you guessed it – Republican. And, in the interest of even more embarrassing honesty, I should probably tell you that I really don’t have to vet any men at all – ‘cause pretty much no man, regardless of political affiliation, is asking me out these days …. Um, is it something I said?
Look, you don’t have to be a feminist (though I happen to be one) to know that John McCain doesn’t believe in women’s rights. And this is one woman who wants a man who wants his woman to have all the rights in the world. And then some.
John McCain has gone on record saying he opposes equal pay for women. He’s gone on record saying he’d like to see women lose the legal right to choose abortion; he’s avoided commenting on whether or not female contraception – which, duh, would help prevent the need for abortion! – should be covered by health insurance as Viagra is in many cases for men.
Oh, the men of the GOP are nattering on, acting like they give a rat’s whisker about women in politics and crowing about breaking the glass ceiling … yada yada yada. But their positions on the issues tell a different story.
So this election year, I’m further reducing the likelihood – especially here in redder-than-red Sarasota — that I’ll ever get a dinner invite again, ever hold someone’s hand again, and fuggedabout having someone to snuggle up next to on Election Night ‘08.
Nope. I’m making my stand. I’m dragging out that Republican answer to every major social problem (drugs, teen sex, arugula) out there and applying it to the GOP itself: I’m just saying no.
I’m going on the record and yes, you can quote me quoting Hillary:
No way. No how. No McCain. Not even a man who votes for him.